| not for you. |
[14 Mar 2006|11:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 worried |
] |
so i havent been on here
in so long.
much has gone on in my life since.
some good and some bad.
ive experience alot and learned alot.
its really hard loosing people you love.
3 years ago i lost my nana. the person
who i could tell everything too and get
her opinion on everything and run to when
things were wrong, even when i would screw up
she never onced judged me or made me feel
wronged, she was my bestfriend.
Before nana i lost my moms side grandma
and grammpa. i wasnt so close with them
as i was with my dads side but they still
taught me valuable lessons. my grammpa
was the one that taught me piano.
just last month my pop past Febuary 1, 2006.
on my nana's birthday. ive never watched
someone die right in front of me. it was a slow
painful experience but im glad i was there with him.
my pop was so amazing. smartest man ive ever known
a wise but quiet man, but still when he did have
a conversation with you, trust me it was a good one
he would never bore you. him and my nana were soulmates.
there was no doubt about it. ever since my nana pasted
pop was more quiet than usual very depressed, he didnt
have to say it, you just knew. he wasnt happy
without her, my nana held the family together.
im so greatful i had such amazing grandparents to be
around growing up.
just this morning my mom had a mild heart attack.
she's stable now.
this year has been such an eye opener to me
and my brothers.
we take such advantage of her we dont even notice
it at times. and i think its rediculous that something
like this has to happen to the woman we love most
be suffering while were be childish.
my mom is an amazing mom just like any other mom out there im sure,
even though she doesnt get involved with my
bullshit or let me stay out late whatever i complain about
these days, but thats not what makes a good mom.
i think it takes love and care.
to make sure your child has food in their stomachs a roof
over there head and a bed to sleep in at night.
whatever it is.
my mom stresses WAY too much. its so ridiculous that
its caused her a heart attack.
and theres nothing us kids can say to change her ways
shes a stubborn bitch no doubt about it.
so all me and my brothers can do is try our god damn hardest
to make sure that she stays healthy and that we
do the little shit that drives my mom insane if we dont
do it.
i dont know what i would do if i lost my mom.
that is all.
i just needed to vent.
i lost my journal so this will
have to do.
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| whateves |
[21 Dec 2005|08:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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alright |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
wild n out |
] |
i really dont care about this thing anymore.
peace
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| aunt keen |
[02 Dec 2005|02:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 good |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the shins |
] |
my moms health is the most important thing to
me right now.
i know and actually EVERYONE knows that my mother
is a big pain in the ass.but if only people knew
how big of a heart she has.
that so called family of hers does nothing but
take advantage of her. im sick of their shit
ive told them off before and i will do it again.
they are nothing but no good sons of a bitches. hah
and i have problem with telling them that to there faces
cos its what they need to hear. and no one else in this
family has the guts to say anything but me.
for the past 10 years my mom has forgotten about
taking care of HERSELF.
her main priority lately has been us kids
and her asshole brothers and sisters.
if she can barely get the rent paid then
why in the hell is she loaning money out to them ??!
mom please get your head on straight.
its sad how it takes a doctors word about her
health now to open everyones eyes.
things have to change.
for mom.
because seriously me and brothers would be lost
without her. its sad.
their adults. im still a kid.
i know im a pain in the ass, but seriously
whose mom still does there laundry at 24 ???!
yeah exactly.
-------!!
but on another note :
i have my bestfriends and armando
the people that make me the happiest.
i really hope i find transportation tonight
and that i can make my dad proud with school
so i can basically go back to hell, but
atleast it will be with my friends <3
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[13 Nov 2005|08:48pm] |
i really loved this weekened.
ahh <33!!
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| You're sorta stuck where you are. |
[25 Sep 2005|12:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 giddy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the flaming lips |
] |
"And you hate your boss at your job
well in your dreams you can blow his head off
in your dreams
show no mercy."
ahh im so siick.
but so happy.
i cant explain it.
i met a person yesterday that
put so much happiness inside me.
just by talking to me for 15 minutes.
its weird.
dont ask.
"You have to sleep late when you can
And all your bad days will end."
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| unreasonable bitch |
[16 Sep 2005|08:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
bob marley |
] |
the new school year has started.
its already gay.
but whatever it could be worse.
goals:
-get A's
-go back to gayfair second semester
- try to keep the A's
-be with my friends again
-pass my driving test
-proove my family wrong
thats all.
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| S.O.L |
[09 Sep 2005|10:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
relaxed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
lauren hill |
] |
ahh yeah school ..
theres really nothing to say about it.
to tell you the truth it still doesnt even feel
like summer is over.
i guess thats a good thing :]
i still really REALLY need to pass my permit test
already.
this is my last chance to pass it.
and its really depressing since my brother
passed it
on his first try and he's liike waaaay more brain dead
than anyone in the family.
so my guess is he cheated.
speaking of my family..
when i do want to spend time with them
they always reject me. or ditch me.
so its really is offical this time i am not
gunna make
anymore effort to care anymore..
and if you do want to spend quality time with me
dont just critize me the whole time.
cos ive had enough of that bullshit.
ahh each and everyone
of my friends
are amazing.
( 7 day weekened )
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[04 Sep 2005|11:56pm] |
i dont like to be criticized on how
i live my life. and the choices ive made.
bottom line
i dont like being told what to do.
i have to fucking face the facts.
this is life amanda.
you have a mother that is wack
a father that is wack
brothers that just dont give a fuck.
and friends that just dont understand sometimes.
i love my friends. i do i do i do.
i wish my mom would just understand
and be reasonable.
im reasonable.
they dont seem to think so.
its so fucked up.
i hate it.
okay.for ONE day i will try something.
to proove to someone ..
how it would be and if it works out.
lets pray to God it works out for the best.
<3
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